Thursday, July 10, 2008

Weight stuff, again

Robin posted a wonderful article, actually several wonderful!, articles on her blog at surviving the journey.

It was in response to another fantastic discussion about weight issues at http://distractible.org/2008/06/29/shame/. This discussion went so far, covering Cushing's, PCOS and other problems that it was picked up by the New York Times!

I've posted a little myself about my trials with weight issues earlier. I know I ate too much. Years of analysis would tell me that I was trying to provide some of the love that my parents hadn't shown me. Maybe. But I still have to wonder if my body was setting me up for hormone problems even at a young age.

I ate what my mother gave me, played outside, rode my bike everywhere, walked to friends houses, walked to school, to the store, climbed trees. We didn't even have a TV for years, no computers. So, how did a kid like me become heavy? I don't even know how much overweight I was, or if I even was. My parents said I was, so it must have been true. My maiden name is Kelly so the kids picked up on that and called me Kelly Belly. Was it because of the rhyme or because I was chubby?

Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, I believed myself to be overweight, undesirable and that really did a number on my self-esteem. I started shying away from people, becoming more withdrawn...and eating Heath bars to try to comfort myself, to make me feel better when I wasn't feeling supported by anyone.

When I was on my own, after college, I watched what I ate, belonged to the gym wherever we lived, rode my bike (I didn't have a car for a long time), grew my own vegetables, whatever. I joined Weight Watchers with limited success. It is so hard to keep at it when the scale isn't moving.

When I was finally diagnosed with Cushing's, I was going to Weight Watchers, being religious about the program, writing down everything I ate, keeping well within my "points". I was also going to my gym nearly ever day, doing the machines AND taking classes. I always went near the front so the instructor could help me if I was doing something wrong.

I kept at it with the WW and the gym for about a year, gaining weight, doctors telling me I was cheating at one or both, that it wasn't "possible" to gain weight on this regimen. Apparently, it was. It would have been nice to have a "Dr. Rob" back then.

At least I knew I wasn't cheating and my readings of medical texts told me I wasn't cheating - and 5 years later the NIH confirmed that I had Cushing's and most definitely wasn't cheating.

Finally, a bit of vindication!