Thursday, July 10, 2008

Weight stuff, again

Robin posted a wonderful article, actually several wonderful!, articles on her blog at surviving the journey.

It was in response to another fantastic discussion about weight issues at This discussion went so far, covering Cushing's, PCOS and other problems that it was picked up by the New York Times!

I've posted a little myself about my trials with weight issues earlier. I know I ate too much. Years of analysis would tell me that I was trying to provide some of the love that my parents hadn't shown me. Maybe. But I still have to wonder if my body was setting me up for hormone problems even at a young age.

I ate what my mother gave me, played outside, rode my bike everywhere, walked to friends houses, walked to school, to the store, climbed trees. We didn't even have a TV for years, no computers. So, how did a kid like me become heavy? I don't even know how much overweight I was, or if I even was. My parents said I was, so it must have been true. My maiden name is Kelly so the kids picked up on that and called me Kelly Belly. Was it because of the rhyme or because I was chubby?

Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, I believed myself to be overweight, undesirable and that really did a number on my self-esteem. I started shying away from people, becoming more withdrawn...and eating Heath bars to try to comfort myself, to make me feel better when I wasn't feeling supported by anyone.

When I was on my own, after college, I watched what I ate, belonged to the gym wherever we lived, rode my bike (I didn't have a car for a long time), grew my own vegetables, whatever. I joined Weight Watchers with limited success. It is so hard to keep at it when the scale isn't moving.

When I was finally diagnosed with Cushing's, I was going to Weight Watchers, being religious about the program, writing down everything I ate, keeping well within my "points". I was also going to my gym nearly ever day, doing the machines AND taking classes. I always went near the front so the instructor could help me if I was doing something wrong.

I kept at it with the WW and the gym for about a year, gaining weight, doctors telling me I was cheating at one or both, that it wasn't "possible" to gain weight on this regimen. Apparently, it was. It would have been nice to have a "Dr. Rob" back then.

At least I knew I wasn't cheating and my readings of medical texts told me I wasn't cheating - and 5 years later the NIH confirmed that I had Cushing's and most definitely wasn't cheating.

Finally, a bit of vindication!