Friday, July 25, 2008

Cushing's and Music

I just read a blog post tonight from one of the Cushing's message board members, Judy, who has 2 kids with Cushing's.

She posted about music:
I'm sitting here listening to the soundtrack of Juno. It's a little different. It almost sounds like folk music, the words are anything but! Jess & I rented this movie one night. I was surprised at how much I liked the music. I finally just bought it off iTunes. I go through spells of listening to it almost nonstop. I find the words fascinating. I think alot of the words remind me of Cushing's, which really seems to do a number on the mind. I think when I really get into the Cushie thoughts and feeling so bad for everyone that has it, is when I play the music alot.

Originally the songs made me think of Justin. He has had a rough time mentally & it's so hard to see your child like this.

So, sometimes I just sit here and listen to the music and some of it makes me cry. Some of it reminds me of Cushing's support board members.

You know how sometimes you hear an old song and immediately have a rush of feelings from some previous time in your life. I know that if I was to hear one of these songs in twenty years or so, it would probably bring me to tears. There's no way I would associate these songs with anything but Cushing's now.
And that reminded me of Jackie's bio. Jackie has 2 kids who have had Cushing's surgery as well. In her bio she says of her daughter:
She fell asleep to Ryan Adams "Stars go Blue"...she would scream until I repeated the song over and over and over.... She would hold her head and cry and cry... finally to sleep for two hours... then repeat.... She still woke up every two hours and demanded 'her song' to get to sleep.

...I can hear Sam's CD still playing upstairs where she left it on... I swear to God it's playing Ryan Adams "Stars Go Blue".
Maybe this is a normal, non-Cushie thing to have music related to parts of your life. I don't know normal anymore, though. I've been Cushie for over 25 years now. Unfortunately, this is my "normal" and, apparently the normal of other people.

When I was testing, I had tapes which I wore out because I listened constantly. When I was in NIH for 6 weeks prior to surgery, I listened to those tapes. Most people watched TV. I knit and listened. Sometimes I even listened during testing.

I would love to be able to replace those long-worn out tapes with CDs or have them on my iPod but I don't know if listening again would make me relive those days of constant testing, stress and fear. I've read that reliving events from the past can be as stressful as the actual event and I sure don't want that!

By the time I got to my nephrectomy, I had an iPod I was listening to all the time while my roommates watched TV. Similar music, different device.

Music has always been my friend, my rock in times of need, whether playing or listening.

Maybe I'll have to check out the soundtrack to Juno!