Upcoming Series on Hymns

A while ago, when I was still playing at being Interim Assistant Director of Music - whew, that's a mouthful! - I was asked about possibly writing a monthly blog post about something musical.

I thought for a while about what I could write about and came up with a few ideas.

I'm no longer in that position but I figured I could still write about my ideas, at least some of them.

The first topic I'm going to hit is hymns.

At the beginning, they're probably going to be posted in 3 places, depending on their meaning to me.

Hymns that have a lot of meaning to me will get posted on O'Connor O'Riginals and O'Connor Music Studio

Hymns that I used to help me through Cushing's and/or kidney cancer surgery will be posted also on Cushing's and Cancer.

Hymns that are just historical in nature will only be on O'Connor Music Studio

My first post, helpful to me in all areas of my life will be posted on all three blogs.  Sorry about the cross-posting!

Stay tuned later today for Abide With Me.

A Week from Tomorrow, etc.

We're finally going on vacation. Although I don't technically have a "job" I do work hard on my Cushing's sites and other blogs.

I've been stressing lately about taking that assistant music director's job. I finally decided I would and that I'd pray hard that they would get a new music director and I'd be "unemployed" again. i still don't know for sure if I can handle this job. Friends say I can't, hubby says I can (or should be able to!)

The job application came today and I filled out it but it made it seem somehow more real than volunteering.

Then, there's the puppy to be considered. I know she will take time and energy that I already seem to have a deficiency in. But she's so darn cute!

So, I'll be glad to get away for a couple weeks before all the chaos starts. Maybe they will have found a new director and I'll always be off the hook. If not, I'll do the best job I can.

The Cushing's stuff will have to slide some more, I guess. I'm already about a week behind in bios; a day behind in getting last night's podcast/iTunes formatted.

I saw my kidney cancer doctor yesterday. That appointment went fairly well but he offered me a "little procedure" to help with an issue I'm having. I said no thanks! I also (temporarily) to meds and will try to deal with this on my own.

He thinks I can go a few more months without a CT scan. This is always good news/bad news to me. I'm always glad not to go for scans but I worry when I don't. What's growing; how fast?

He took a sample and, hopefully, there's nothing in there that shouldn't be.

Oh, for the stress-free life. It's coming a week from tomorrow...

Decisions, Decisions, Part 3

It looks like we"re going to get the puppy. The home inspection was Monday and it looks like we passed. We have papers to sign on Sunday then we get her for a week...then go on vacation. Her foster home will take her back while we're away.

Mimi has a blog already but I don't want to jinx things by making it public until we really have her.

Also, I took the job and I'm praying hard that they find a new music director so the acting director goes back to being assistant and I'm "unemployed" again.

It's going to be a busy fall!

Decisions, decisions, part 2

On Saturday I wrote Cushing's & Cancer: Decisions, decisions: "Although this was not completely unexpected, I have been asked to be the interim assistant music director of my church. Prior to being asked, I had always thought that I would turn this position down immediately but now I find myself thinking about it. I have said that I would call in my decision on Monday so my weekend is cut out for me."

I think I've pretty much decided that I will say no. I actually made the call but got an answering machine. I talked to lots of people about this. Husband said YES, Best friend said that there was no way I would have the energy to do this.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "what if I had to go to work today?" and I realized that I couldn't do it, not today, anyway.

When I think about my naps and the little energy I have now... and since then we were looking at a puppy.

If we get her, that will be a further energy drain. But how could we resist this beautiful face?

So, at least until I get the return call, the answer is no.

Decisions, decisions

Although this was not completely unexpected, I have been asked to be the interim assistant music director of my church. Prior to being asked, I had always thought that I would turn this position down immediately but now I find myself thinking about it. I have said that I would call in my decision on Monday so my weekend is cut out for me.

When I did the music camp that wiped me out, that was 15 hours a week plus a couple after-camp meetings. Could I do that every week plus an additional 5 hours sometime during the week?

I already put in quite a few hours during the school year. I currently usually play bells on Sundays (2) and I often sub in a youth group (1), have 2 bell rehearsals on Tuesday (2), have a rehearsal on Wednesday (1), children's handbells and play piano for another group on Thursdays (1.5). That's 7.5 hours already and more than enough to add to the time that music camp was.

Could I, with my nap schedule, pull all that off?

This is a temporary position. When a new music director is hired, the current acting music director will resume her "real" job, which is the one I would be doing. Hopefully, a new permanent director will be hired soon.

My ideal thing would be to say yes, get the prestige, such as it is, of having this job, then they hire someone who starts the beginning of September so I never have to actually do the work.

As a volunteer, I can always say no to coming in for an extra rehearsal. As an "official person", I think I would have less leeway to do that.

I have worked with the acting music director for many years and we work well together.

Other than the schedule above, I can set my own hours.

This job involves emails, computer scheduling, other computer stuff, all of which I can do easily. If there's any recruitment, I don't think I could do that.

The acting music director says that she will help me with repertoire since she is very aware what they have in the library and I don't. I would hate to choose music only to find that that choir had just played the piece in the spring.

I need help deciding - what should I do?

Vision(ary?)

Yesterday, I went to a friend's to play piano duets. I put in my contact lens. I only wear one most days. When I ring handbells, I wear a special "bell lens" in my left eye so I can read music across the bell table.

Anyway, when I left for my friend's house, my vision was a little blurry but I figured it would clear up during the drive. I even went in the house to take out just to be sure it was in.

Luckily, I know the way really well so I didn't need to read any signs or anything. I mentioned my blurry eye to my friend and said it was lucky I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist Thursday. She said she had one the same day but her's is 8:30 and mine is 9:30 so I guess she'll be doing the eyedrop thing when I first get there. Very strange that we should set up such similar times.

An aside about my ophthalmologist...I've been going to him for nearly 28 years. My husband first found him when I was playing the organ at this little church. I had been there practicing on a Saturday and the minister's cat came in and walked across the top of the organ. I am very allergic. When Sunday rolled around my eyes were glued shut. I had to call around for a substitute organist and my husband called around for an eye doctor. On Sunday morning, there weren't any and our local hospital hadn't been built yet so there was no close-by ER to go to. This doctor, who had never seen me before, agreed to open up his office and see me immediately.

I have been indebted to him ever since and I've told all my friends about this kind doctor. When I was first scheduled for NIH testing pre-op, I told them that I couldn't come for that start date because I had an appointment with this doctor and I didn't want to break it.

[aside over]

Anyway, I got home and checked the case - I had the correct eye cover off and the right eye lens in.

So, I took the lens out, cleaned it very carefully and soaked it over night. Today, the eye was blurry again. On a hunch, I tried the lens in the left side of the case and it worked.

Guess I must have been so tired when I took out my left lens on Sunday after ringing bells that I put it in the right side of the case without thinking.

Today I have a massive headache, probably from squinting all yesterday.

At least I'm not going blind, just yet!

Cushing's and Music

I just read a blog post tonight from one of the Cushing's message board members, Judy, who has 2 kids with Cushing's.

She posted about music:

I'm sitting here listening to the soundtrack of Juno. It's a little different. It almost sounds like folk music, the words are anything but! Jess & I rented this movie one night. I was surprised at how much I liked the music. I finally just bought it off iTunes. I go through spells of listening to it almost nonstop. I find the words fascinating. I think alot of the words remind me of Cushing's, which really seems to do a number on the mind. I think when I really get into the Cushie thoughts and feeling so bad for everyone that has it, is when I play the music alot.

Originally the songs made me think of Justin. He has had a rough time mentally & it's so hard to see your child like this.

So, sometimes I just sit here and listen to the music and some of it makes me cry. Some of it reminds me of Cushing's support board members.

You know how sometimes you hear an old song and immediately have a rush of feelings from some previous time in your life. I know that if I was to hear one of these songs in twenty years or so, it would probably bring me to tears. There's no way I would associate these songs with anything but Cushing's now.

And that reminded me of Jackie's bio. Jackie has 2 kids who have had Cushing's surgery as well. In her bio she says of her daughter:

She fell asleep to Ryan Adams "Stars go Blue"...she would scream until I repeated the song over and over and over.... She would hold her head and cry and cry... finally to sleep for two hours... then repeat.... She still woke up every two hours and demanded 'her song' to get to sleep.

...I can hear Sam's CD still playing upstairs where she left it on... I swear to God it's playing Ryan Adams "Stars Go Blue".

Maybe this is a normal, non-Cushie thing to have music related to parts of your life. I don't know normal anymore, though. I've been Cushie for over 25 years now. Unfortunately, this is my "normal" and, apparently the normal of other people.

When I was testing, I had tapes which I wore out because I listened constantly. When I was in NIH for 6 weeks prior to surgery, I listened to those tapes. Most people watched TV. I knit and listened. Sometimes I even listened during testing.

I would love to be able to replace those long-worn out tapes with CDs or have them on my iPod but I don't know if listening again would make me relive those days of constant testing, stress and fear. I've read that reliving events from the past can be as stressful as the actual event and I sure don't want that!

By the time I got to my nephrectomy, I had an iPod I was listening to all the time while my roommates watched TV. Similar music, different device.

Music has always been my friend, my rock in times of need, whether playing or listening.

Maybe I'll have to check out the soundtrack to Juno!